Losing Control
It was a beautiful morning for a bike ride. Humidity was high, but early enough that the sun wasn’t too strong. Something didn’t feel quite right, but I chalked it up to having a poor night’s sleep. I hadn’t been on my bike for a few weeks and was anxious to get my ride in.
When my husband and I were arriving at our destination at the bay, I began to feel signs of a stress headache. My right arm went numb. The pain on the left side of my head intensified. My vision blurred. I began drinking water only to feel the symptoms increase. I was about to tell my husband that I wasn’t feeling well, but I could not produce the words. I knew what I wanted to say but the words that came out were nonsensical. For a fleeting moment I thought: “Was I having a stroke of some kind?”
My husband jumped into action. He called a friend to collect both me and my bicycle and bring me home. Soon I was in an ambulance and then found myself lying in a bed in the hallway of the ER. As soon as I got the IV drip, I was well on my way to recovery. I had suffered from dehydration. After two CT scans showed nothing wrong, I was released, five hours later, fully able to communicate and only a slight sensitivity at the site of the headache.
The trauma of not being able to speak or say the correct date stayed with me. In that terrifying moment, I knew what I wanted to say on the inside, but my brain was unable to convert my thoughts into spoken words. This is similar to how Parkinson’s works. My mind thinks that I can walk normally, but my brain is not always sending the signals to my muscles that make walking automatic. At times, it can feel as though I am imprisoned in my body. My mind willing my body to take normal rhythmic steps on the sidewalk; my body not able to respond to something I once did without a second thought.
This incident left me feeling vulnerable. It took about two weeks to trust that I could begin exercising again without having a neurological reaction. I was very careful in the sun and was constantly drinking fluids and making sure I replenished sodium. The first time I got on the bike, I was too shaky to ride safely, so I temporarily traded in my bike for the yoga mat and meditation cushion. I’m happy to report that I’m back on my bike now albeit with an electrolyte-filled water bottle and a lingering drop of trepidation.
About Miriam
I share my personal stories to offer a glimpse into what it is like to live with Young Onset Parkinson’s, revealing honest and intimate reflections. Hearing other people’s stories can be a lifeline for many of us living with this neurodegenerative disease. I hope to inspire and educate people living with Parkinson’s and to create community through shared experiences.